I’m afraid of feeling happy. Why? I know it will all disappear. It always does. I should cherish the moments of happiness that come and go, but I don’t like that it comes and goes. Maybe that’s just a part of life, but I hate it. It’s like me giving you a cure to your disease and then in a short period of time, you no longer have the cure. All you have left is the pain you once had except it gets worse because the pain eased for a while and you forgot how it felt. Now you have to deal all over again. Sometimes it’s better to stay at the bottom. High hopes and expectations always come down. I know it is better to be optimistic and just fight, but it’s hard to move forward when pain weighs more than a ton. Lets see you carry that pain before you judge another person’s struggle. 

One day this pain will pass. I hope it will be soon. 

“I know not everything can be perfect, but I have to believe that it can be just so that fighting for it makes sense.”  

Sometimes we’re so busy that we don’t even realize we actually have time to slow down and reward ourselves with some me time. Maybe right now is that time? Sit down with a hot cup of cocoa, coffee, or tea. Slowly sip your drink of choice. Don’t focus on all the bad things that happened yesterday or what stresses you will have to face tomorrow, just focus on this moment. This moment is yours. Relax. Take in the aroma and flavors of your drink.

Close your eyes. Let go of the stresses in your mind even if for this one moment and tell yourself I am strong, I am beautiful, and today is going to be a wonderful day. Things only get better when you honestly believe they will. Remember to have courage everyday because you never know how far you will go until you try. Take another sip. Don’t rush yourself. Enjoy :)

Sometimes you have to stop trying to fix the past and stop planning the future. You have to stop trying to figure out what others want from you or even what you want your heart to feel and just go with the flow. You have to start smiling even though you rather cry. You just have to let go of the doubts and just believe even if no one else does. It won’t be now, but eventually you’ll learn right? I really hope I do.

There isn’t much that I want out of life. Okay, I take that back, there’s a lot. It’s a natural desire to constantly want things. We get something we want and than we want something better than what we previously wanted. It’s a long never ending process, but it’s normal. Or is it? Especially as Americans, we are surrounded by so many choices and opportunities, yet we are still picky. Maybe we have all been raised up as spoiled individuals?

I like to think I’m a simple young woman. I probably give more than I take. I don’t ask or expect for much. All I want is a stable job that I can enjoy waking up every morning for. I don’t care about making a lot of money, it only becomes an issue when I become broke. I don’t want to be living paycheck to paycheck and I don’t want to have so much money that I don’t know what to do with it. There’s a lot of amazing things in the world that are free such as: warm sunny weathers, beautiful scenery, kind people, love, and the air we breath.

I want to make the most of my life whether I live to be 30, 40, or 100 years old. I want whatever time I have remaining to be satisfying with no regrets. I’m almost 21 years old and all these years I’ve had many near-death experiences. Sometimes I wonder why others aren’t as fortunate. I’m not a bad person, but I haven’t lived my life for what it’s worth. I take a lot of things for granted and have issues letting go of things that have already happened. I worry too much. I repeat myself too much. I have bad habits and another long list of flaws, but at least I admit that I am not perfect. At least I keep trying to be better.

What I want the most is to have peace of mind and success. My mind is restless and needs a break. I’m always conflicting with others and my inner demons. You can only fight for so long before you get tired. As for success, I simply define it as achieving real happiness.

I’m not sure where I am going in life, but I hope I will always have the strength to at least keep on going. Stopping, quitting, giving up is not an option, moving forward is. Peace of mind, success, and true happiness are my goals. If I can’t attain it all, hopefully I never stopped striving for it. Hopefully you will finally understand and see that I tried so hard even when you may have believed I wasn’t trying at all. If you were one of the individuals who left me stranded in a circle, it hurt me, but for some reason I do not hold any anger or blame. I’ve learned to accept it simply because we all have a limit.